im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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