Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You smell like stripper and shame
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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