im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
