i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
