dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i believe in u and ur pee
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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