He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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