So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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