Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
