I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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