I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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