one two three fourrrrnication!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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