i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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