I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
