its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
