I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We talked him into tasing himself.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
