I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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