just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize