Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
