So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
