It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
