Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
