I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
