I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
