1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize