2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They have beer where we have blood.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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