Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
