I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
