ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
