no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
