he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
