I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize