My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
