the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
