why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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