My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
