I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
