ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we're so committed to being not committed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
