i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My vagina is officially offended.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
