i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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