I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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