Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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