just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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