and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and she was petting her beer can
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
