yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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