i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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