So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
