Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
