WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
