so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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