Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
