We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
