Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Couch. On fire.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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