Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He told me they were just razor bumps!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
