Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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