Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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