you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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