Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
