her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
