Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
